Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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