Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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