everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
