I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
