Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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