When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just cropdusted the office
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Are my feet made of real feet?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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