Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize