so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
