I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
