Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
