Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
