8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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