Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
