Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
