If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
