I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
