I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
