I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
