she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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