I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
