New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
