Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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