I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
