You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
