She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
vagina is talking i cant
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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