dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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