Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
