is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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