Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
