Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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