Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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