More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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