Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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