I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
