I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
