Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
