you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
