not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
