I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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