I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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