my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize