dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize