I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
This is the high leading the old right now
Randomize
