Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize