Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
