I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize