i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
