he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I had to cum in my sink.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
