It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
