Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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