She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
