you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
and she was petting her beer can
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
