I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
