somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
