That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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