Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
