do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize