he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize