Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
