This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
