I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
