I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
