one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
