i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
