So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
