Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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