do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
