Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
