I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
