he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
